First of all, I think it is important to dispel the idea that parenting is mysterious. It may be a lot of things, but it is not mysterious. If it were they would never let you leave the hospital without at least a little booklet with some of parentings long held secrets.
So, technically, there is nothing to solve. But what then is the problem? Why are so many parents (including myself at times) straight-up goofy when it comes to parenting their kids?
In my vast 11 years of parenting experience, (many more if you count being the oldest of five in a fatherless home) I have learned a couple things about the goofiness of parents. Most goofiness stems from just a couple things ... 1. Parents have a lack of vision for their children 2. Parents are too often selfish...yeah...that pretty much sums it up.
Everything else that could be said really falls into one of these two categories with 2. easily swallowing 1. but, 1. having the ability to hold 2. in check...if that makes sense.
More on these in a minute...
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Dumb Dads part II
Yeah, I totally forgot what that thoughts was...I mean, three months is a long time!
But, in the last few months I've had many times to see, experience and recognize many various aspects of the wonder of fatherhood and how our children show us teh face of God on a regular basis. I'll go with a list...I like lists...but not to-do lists...
1. My middle son loves to sit next to me and rub the stubbly hair on my head. This is an amazingly intimate time...he rubs my head and asks all sorts of questions and tells me all sorts of funny, intelligent and insightful things. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen as often as I would like, but when it does...in that moment...I see what God wants from us.
2. There are some people who really shouldn't have children. I've seen some pretty crazy stuff lately, not the least of which was a parent who completely got lost and gave up the children for a life of self-serving debauchery. I know those words sound harsh, but in the end, that is what it came down to. Sad. Very sad. For everyone.
3. When my youngest son is lying in bed drifting off he likes to sing. For the most part it is difficult to understand what he is singing but every once in a while I'll catch a "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty," or a "Hakuna Matata, means no worries, for the rest of your days." Possibly some of the most precious moments of his wild-risk-everything little life.
4. My oldest son is a listener. He takes it all in and spits very little out. He keeps his nose clean and maintains a fairly his level of integrity for an 11-year-old. The other day I was talking to my wife in hushed tones about a situation we found ourselves dealing with and in he walks, quiet as a misty night and I could see by the look on in face he had been listening. The fact is, most times, our kids do hear us...and they listen. We should probably take note of this and beware what we say to our children a little more...just a thought. Anyway, I didn't really say much to him about his listening in on our conversation. For one, I think it is good for him to hear his parents struggling in the tension of love and justice, searching wearily for the right, next step. He needs to know that we don't always know the right answer right away...that sometimes we need to process, seek God and then come back to it. Secondly, I trust him. He has proven over and over in different situations that he knows when the right time to open his mouth and the right time to keep it closed.
I don't know, maybe this isn't so much about anything other than me letting the world know...ok, the four people who may stumble on this, that there is a grace to parenting, but we need to decide to see the miracles in the fleeting moments.
But, in the last few months I've had many times to see, experience and recognize many various aspects of the wonder of fatherhood and how our children show us teh face of God on a regular basis. I'll go with a list...I like lists...but not to-do lists...
1. My middle son loves to sit next to me and rub the stubbly hair on my head. This is an amazingly intimate time...he rubs my head and asks all sorts of questions and tells me all sorts of funny, intelligent and insightful things. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen as often as I would like, but when it does...in that moment...I see what God wants from us.
2. There are some people who really shouldn't have children. I've seen some pretty crazy stuff lately, not the least of which was a parent who completely got lost and gave up the children for a life of self-serving debauchery. I know those words sound harsh, but in the end, that is what it came down to. Sad. Very sad. For everyone.
3. When my youngest son is lying in bed drifting off he likes to sing. For the most part it is difficult to understand what he is singing but every once in a while I'll catch a "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty," or a "Hakuna Matata, means no worries, for the rest of your days." Possibly some of the most precious moments of his wild-risk-everything little life.
4. My oldest son is a listener. He takes it all in and spits very little out. He keeps his nose clean and maintains a fairly his level of integrity for an 11-year-old. The other day I was talking to my wife in hushed tones about a situation we found ourselves dealing with and in he walks, quiet as a misty night and I could see by the look on in face he had been listening. The fact is, most times, our kids do hear us...and they listen. We should probably take note of this and beware what we say to our children a little more...just a thought. Anyway, I didn't really say much to him about his listening in on our conversation. For one, I think it is good for him to hear his parents struggling in the tension of love and justice, searching wearily for the right, next step. He needs to know that we don't always know the right answer right away...that sometimes we need to process, seek God and then come back to it. Secondly, I trust him. He has proven over and over in different situations that he knows when the right time to open his mouth and the right time to keep it closed.
I don't know, maybe this isn't so much about anything other than me letting the world know...ok, the four people who may stumble on this, that there is a grace to parenting, but we need to decide to see the miracles in the fleeting moments.
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